“Cartwright!” slurred Jill with a very fake, very drunk grin stretched across her face, “Can I have ‘a word’?” She put finger quotes around ‘a word’ and her drink sloshed out from the glass in her hand to the floor. Lucy turned and sighed at the sound of her voice.
“Jill, you’re totally pissed,” she said bluntly, “have some water.”
“I’m fine!” Jill protested, “You know I can handle my drinky-winky super good!” she said, spilling her cocktail all over her shoes and not seeming to notice. Lucy looked at Georgia and raised an eyebrow at Jill’s antics. Georgia laughed and excused herself. She looked around for Steve and hurried over to where he was standing with Neil and James.
“We may have a problem,” she said, gesturing to where Lucy and Jill were. The three turned to look. James turned to look at Steve and Neil.
“Fiver says it’s about one of you two.”
“Well what else would it be about? They haven’t spoken for about a month and Jill’s drunk. It’s what she loves to talk about when she’s drunk,” agreed Steve. He and Neil exchanged worried glances and Steve wondered aloud if they should go over there and try and break it up before it came to blows. They decided to try moving closer to listen in subtly.
“…because I still love you as my best friend, I would never want to lose you, you mean so much to me,” Jill was saying, “But I need to get this off my chest, you know?” Lucy smiled and nodded. She turned to the barman and ordered another drink. She was going to need it.
“Of course, babe,” she said to Jill, “Any time you need to.” Jill’s face got very serious and she looked Lucy dead in the eyes, standing as still as she could manage. She took a moment to think about the words she was trying to get out before saying, “It’s about Neil.” Steve high-fived James, a feeling of relief and victory washing over him. Neil sighed and Georgia patted him sympathetically on the shoulder. They were about to try and find somewhere to hide him when they heard Jill saying something shocking.
“I never liked him. I only tried to get him because you liked him and he liked you! I never really wanted to go out with him. I’m sorry.” Lucy was having a hard time figuring out what had just happened. Part of what she was experiencing was a relief that she hadn’t done anything wrong (usually when she got confronted by Jill, Lucy discovered that she’d committed some sort of heinous crime which she, funnily enough, never had any memory of). The rest of her, though, was bewildered.
“But, you never did anything with Neil. You always said you didn’t like him. You were constantly complaining that he drove a wedge between us as friends and that my going out with him was the reason we weren’t as close anymore. I don’t get what you mean.” Jill looked around and then at the floor. Lucy tried again, “Jill?” she probed. Jill sighed and lifted her gaze to meet Lucy’s eyes.
“I tried to get him to pick me over you,” she admitted, “When you first went out with him, I tried to get close to him as a friend so that I could try and take him like you took Steve from me!”
Lucy was taken aback. Next to them, attempting to subtly spy on their conversation, Georgia and James gasped and Steve groaned at the revelation that he was involved, too, while Neil was more confused than anyone else.
“Wait, so is this about me ‘taking’ Steve from you by being friends with him four years ago even though I’ve told you so many times that nothing did or will happen there and I was friends with him before you two had even met, or about you going after Neil while I was going out with him so that you could try and do to me what you imagine I did to you with Steve, four years ago?” Lucy asked, getting gradually more enraged with every word so that by the end she was nearly seething. The eavesdropping foursome overheard and realised from Lucy’s tone that intervention was necessary. Steve and Neil shot up and darted over, followed swiftly by Georgia and James.
“Sorry, couldn’t help overhearing,” said Steve, “Mainly because we were trying to, but still.”
“I was just letting Lucy know that we’re even now,” Jill told him.
“Even? EVEN?” Lucy nearly roared, “What the f-“
“We didn’t realise you were uneven in the first place,” said Neil, grabbing Lucy’s shoulders as he did so and sitting her back down.
“Well, she saboo… sab… sabut… ruined my relationship with Steve, so I made us even by trying to do the same to her,” slurred Jill, “But I guess you two were just too good at being a couple so I couldn’t. Pooey. But it was for Claire as well.” Steve groaned again. Georgia showed him her phone, having just texted Claire JILL VS LUCY AT BAR OVER STEVE/NEIL. HELP. X. If anyone could try to save the situation now, Claire could.