I get it. You're a unique flower. BUT SO IS EVERYONE ELSE.

It's an interesting experience, working retail in a consistently, more-and-more, understaffed store. You find out what it's like running the customer service desk, answering the phones, fielding questions about the locations of products, taking a payment, finding a manager to deal with a complaint, and checking someone out. ALL AT THE SAME TIME. Which in fact should be impossible, but somehow manages to happen. Mainly while being glared at by 12 more people who are waiting in line.

I honestly think I should get hazard pay. Everyone who works on the front end should, it is among the most stressful jobs I can imagine.
"Could you open up another register?" yells someone halfway down the line, while staring at you as if you are an evil dumbass who is just trying to make his life harder by making him wait. Oh the humanity.
If only I could ask him some questions-- "I am assuming you can see? Okay, great. Do you see anyone else behind this desk? Do you see any person working in this store who isn't dealing with massive lines or at least one customer and a constantly ringing phone? DO YOU HEAR ME, when I have a millisecond break, paging a 'Code Three' over the intercom? Do you see the other things that I am dealing with right now (answering the phone, fielding a customer who's upset because they couldn't find anyone in electrical, telling someone that I'd LOVE to take their payment, but I am taking care of this line right now)? CAN YOU SEE HOW STRESSED I LOOK RIGHT NOW? DO YOU THINK I WANT TO BE IN THIS SITUATION WITH NO HELP? DO YOU THINK I WOULD BE CALLING SOMEONE IF THERE WAS SOMEONE WHO COULD COME?"
He can answer his own stupid motherfucking question, but he doesn't. He has to make me spell it out. I can't reply truthfully, so instead I say respectfully, "I'm sorry sir, I'm trying to find someone but there just isn't anyone available right now. I'll keep trying." This, of course, detracts from the time I could be spending telling someone where to get a key made (between aisle 16 and 17, ask at the desk, though they'll be busy).

Then of course, there is the old woman (they come in all ages, genders, and races, but it is more likely to be an old woman than anyone else) who comes up and asks me to get her a cart. She doesn't have anything in her hand, mind. She can walk perfectly well up to the desk to make this request, while having selective blindness/ hearing loss to the point that she can somehow miss my massive line and constant direction giving/ phone answering.
Listen, lady. If I could, I would go and get your lazy ass a cart. It is very difficult, I am aware, to walk the extra 50 feet (if that) to go out to the cart area and get a cart. Apparently. BUT I CAN'T. I will tell you exactly where YOU can get your own cart. I can try and find someone else working who can pull you up a cart. But I CANNOT get you a cart right now. You ARE NOT the only person in the world. You are one of many, and while you may have some lovely qualities that I cannot see at this rather unflattering moment (all I can see right now is a selfish dumbass who thinks that her need for a cart is more important than the handicapped woman who is trying to check out of this hellhole of a store right now so she can go home). I don't mind getting your cart. I really, truly don't give a shit about how lazy you are. BUT YOU ARE NOT ANY MORE SPECIAL OR IMPORTANT THAN ANYONE ELSE IN THIS LINE, SO DON'T ASK ME TO TAKE CARE OF YOUR MINOR, TIME-CONSUMING NEEDS WHILE THESE PEOPLE WAIT.

This is just one example, but it happens all the time at work. My job sucks, I know it and you know it, please don't treat me like that.

Happens all the time in traffic too.
The road to another highway is running slow, and traffic is backed up. Some guy pulls out from 600 feet behind you, and zooms past, only to cut in (in front of some well-meaning, small-testicled person who lets this dickwad in without a single honk of protest) again 300 feet in front of you.
Apparently, they are very special and important. Their time is much more valuable then the rest of the people who are patiently waiting their turn (onto a road that is probably backed up because some other asshole pulled a similar stunt 20 minutes ago and cut it too close-- to the point where the person they cut off had to brake extremely abruptly, causing the back-up in the first place), and so it doesn't matter that they are elevating the wait for all the rest of these people even more by cutting someone off, causing another string of brakelights to go off down the road again.

You may be special, but so is everyone else. Please offer them the same consideration that you would like them to offer to you.

I am so miserable and jaded at work now that I have begun to lose the ability to care. I used to be able to hear someone who was genuinely mistreated (not too frequent an occurance, actually), with genuine sympathy for their plight, and do whatever I could to make it better. Now I'm just so tired that I can't care anymore. I can hear it, understand it, but I just can't muster up the energy to do as much anymore.

I've worked retail too long, and working in an understaffed hellhole is killing me, mentally and physically. I had no idea how bad it could be, despite retail's overall shitastic nature with even more shitastic pay.
I need to find another job, but rarely have enough energy left to put into the search. God help me if I don't get into grad school, which will provide me with retail freedom (and a whole new set of interesting new challenges and problems) in less than a year.

A trip to the zoo!

Ah, what better way to resume a blog than with a delightful trip to the zoo? Quite frankly, there is no better way.

My cousin (who is Australian, but has been living in Ireland, until recently when she moved back to Australia with her Irish boyfriend...) came to vist us in the US, and because I'm just a stellar person, I totally agreed to go to the zoo with them. I know, what a huge sacrifice. What kind of person would volunteer to take people with positively charming accents to the zoo on an absolutely beautiful Tuesday with the best weather we've had for months? A saint, that's who. I'm a saint. Yep.

Anywhoo, we went pretty much everywhere, and a good time was had by all.

But what trip is complete without pictures?

Now, kiddies, this is an EDUMACATIONAL trip to the zoo, so I've included links to the species whose names I can remember courtesy of wiki. Be sure to learn lots!

The first thing we were facinated by were dragonflies. They weren't special dragonflies, but they were pretty cool, and the first real animals we saw. When I went home later that day, there was a dragonfly of that very same species flying about the front door. A lovely indigenious breed, of a pretty powder blue color. They were pretty big.

Can you see it?

I'm betting no, and that's okay! Go ahead and look at the bigger version. If you still can't see it, I have a note on the original flickr page where you can see it. Yah? Megan and Danny have a picture of some of these dragonflies having sex (right after I had commented on how bizarre dragonfly sex looks), but I took the high road and skipped out on the kinky dragonfly porn. And, you, the people, lose. I'm sorry!

Then there was a giant anteater with some big-ass guinea pig looking things (I think cappy-somethings? I'm not posting their pictures, so who cares).

You don't get the scale, but trust me, he's a big mamba jamba. You wouldn't want him to sit on you. Fat tail, too.

And the surprisingly majestic hippopotamus (I have no idea what species of hippo, sorry!)

Which are surprisingly sleek and graceful underwater. The hippo habitat has improved in size and coolness remarkably since last I saw the hippo (when I was but a wee child!), we watched them for probably a good five minutes.

Did I say sleek and graceful?

Yeah, but still super massive. Those fish were a lot bigger than hand-size, maybe a foot or so.

(Maybe worth looking at in the large size, if you are interested.) Cool fish, eh?

So why is it in with the hippos?

Because this, along with the eleventy trillion fish in the hippo tank, live by eating HIPPO POO.

They even had a charming informative table off to the side, describing how the hippo feeds all the fishies with it's amazing, poo-spreading tail. The hippo swings it's tail back and forth to spread it's poo about freely, allowing all the happy little fishies to dine with vigor. One did poo while we were there, and the fish were pretty enthusiastic. AND SUPER GNARLY. Gross, but cool-- nice recycling there, Ma Nature.

Do I even need a description for this one? Did you even wonder why this made it onto my mini zoo tour?

I mean please. Everyone knows that I am the original Somali Wild Ass!

You may think they look like donkeys

But they aren't, okay? They have striped legs. Dumbass.

For the kutest kritter award, I offer you the red panda.

My picture doesn't do it justice, but this thing was OMGWTFBBQ adorable! I want one as a pet! I'll treat him nice! I'll love him and squeeze him and feed him bamboo shoots and small animals, and name him George! Please?! Ma?! I want one.

And penguins! God I love penguins. Our last actual zoo animal that we checked out. These are Humboldt penguins, and the saucy guy in the front is a brown pelican.

You can only vaguely tell, but the penguin in the water and that brown pelican were totally having a stand off. They were all like, "Hey! I'm gonna peck at you!" in a, "HEY, YOU KIDS! GET OFFA MY LAWN!" way, where the pelican plays the part of the crotchety old man, and the penguin plays the part of the kid on a dare who keeps running up on his stoop and then dashing off before he can hit him with his broom or whatever. It was pretty funny.

The pelican looked at ME like that too, last time I was at the zoo with my sexy friend (on 7/11/07!). Observe:

It was a death stare, I assure you.

However, I played the role of the chick with the camera, who's all like, "Damn, crotchety old man, I just want a damn picture, I don't wanna stand on your lawn!" (And as our trip comes to an end, I'd like to tell you that if you'd like to see any of the pictures bigger, just go to my photos page, click on the photo you want to see bigger, and hit the "all sizes" button at the top of the picture. These were all uploaded in original, ginormous size, and took forever to upload, I assure you.)

My favorite picture (that I took... Danny's was better) was another indigenious bug.

Clicky for biggy! I think it's worth it for this one.

Goes to show you, sometimes the prettiest critters are the ones you find at home.

Now I remember why I stopped doing this for a while! What a time hogger!

Doodily doodily doo...

Dum dum dum...

Hey, what's this? A “blog”?
Why, lo and behold, it is mine! And I haven’t updated in forevah!

Hmm...

So, what have I been up to?
Um…
well, I dyed my hair a little darker.

From:

To:

I generally like the change, I think it suits me okay, but I do sometimes worry that I look a bit emo-er with the darker hair. Due to the increased drama from the contrast of the darker hair and my pasty face.

I won’t deny that sometimes I want to have a little fun with it… you know. It is my way.
Say, a late night photo session galore! With emo pictures! FUN!!

God... I'm just so pouty. And misunderstood. Gawd, it's like, you know, no one understands what I'm going through, you know? I'm gonna go write some [bad] poetry, excuse me guys.

I'm so emo and misunderstood and sad that I lack the energy to hold up my head or even look at the camera... luckily, I have kept my ability to hold the camera up at a suitably pseudo-artistic angle, because... that... is the burden... of the emo.

Okay, maybe I'm not really emo. You caught me. And maybe I like the new hair color. You caught me twice. And maybe I put on some chapstick after I looked at this picture. But only maybe. You're living in suspense over the chapstick now? Suspense that will never be broken. Sorry.

I’m going to go ahead and share the blame a bit. I haven’t had as much free time lately to keep up with that blog updating due to… THIS!

HA! Blame spread! Take that!

God, my photography skillz rock. It's like... I took my camera phone? And... put it on sepia. W o w.

Holiday Greetings, My Friends!

Ben knows how awful I've been feeling about how rarely I am updating.

So he gave me permission-- NAY! Demanded that I do a really, truly, heart-felt, really really bad photoshopping of a picture of him to express his Christmas/ holiday spirit. And also so I could show it to his friends and then they could mock them.

Enjoy!

Piggles was really busy listening to Fall Out Boy and complaining to her emo buddies that she was misunderstood to give a crap about my bad updating skillz, but I photoshopped a picture of her anyway. Unfortunately, she doesn't have the gentil temperament that Ben does, so I adjusted the message accordingly.

Have a great holiday, guys! Enjoy your, er, holiday spirits (and I am not talking about love and brotherhood) as necessary!

This is a number two.

Ha, meaning it's one of the second type... if you scroll down a bit and look on the right section, you'll see a little description, but basically, I'm a gonna be a bit of a pretentious douchebag in this entry. Enjoy!
Also, my throat is absolutely KILLING me, but I don't know why. Okay, on with the show!

-----

My life is humble. I don’t think I’ll ever be one of those people who is remembered for anything; I won’t even be a mote in the eye of history. I guess I’m okay with that; honestly, fame was never my thing. I don’t like to be the center of the attention all of the time; I don’t need to be remembered by anybody except by my friends and family (hopefully!). I do wish a bit to have made some sort of (preferably positive!) mark on the world, even if only in a minor way that no one knows about.

But I still wonder what the meaning of my life is. Or will be. I guess, when it comes cosmic calculator time, for my life on earth to have a positive balance, no matter how slight. I want to end up contributing more to the world and the well-being of people and life in general than I used up in resources, methane production (greenhouse gases?), waste, etc.
And I don’t think I’m anywhere near that point yet.
I'm just a giant larvae at this point, sucking on the teat of the universe. Now that is a hot image.

I don’t entirely want my life to be all about self-sacrifice, either… in a way, I sort of collect memories and experiences… I don’t know that everyone thinks this way, but on an almost subconscious level, I do. I want experiences that I can look back on with pleasure; to enjoy something in the moment without worrying.
I’m getting a lot of those lately, for which I am grateful.
For instance, I have work on Saturday, and I’m going to try to rearrange my shift so I can go to the concert of an awesome local band (The Otto Modest link) because, at the end of the day, I won’t remember, except in a general way, how shitty it was getting up at 4:30 am to go to work; I’ve opened before. But I will remember the awesome concert (they promised to play my favorite song, because they are capital guys), and the great experiences that I’ll have that night. It’s also my, er, fellow’s (I don’t really like the term boyfriend for some reason. I feel like I should giggle and then write Mrs. Chloe HisLastName in my Trapper Keeper because I’m twelve years old whenever I say it) birthday weekend as well. What can I say, he’s a lucky guy! He has all his finals on his birthday! So I’d rather be hanging out with him on Saturday night then being trapped at work, staring at the walls.
I really hope I can find someone to change shifts with.

I can’t figure out why the fuck my throat hurts so much!
Have a lovely day guys.

An odd situation...

Earlier today I did a nice load of laundry. Now, some of my clothes are more delicate than, ahem, others, so I normally hand-wash them, but today I didn't have the time or inclination so I just tossed them in the washing machine and prayed for the best.
Luckily, nothing got snagged or torn, but obviously, I can't put them in the dryer...

I have a biology presentation tomorrow that I must get done today, as I have other plans for tonight. I don't have a designated place to put my, er, delicates (there's a railing in the kitchen that's really convenient for hang drying some things, but I really don't feel like having my mother or father seeing my scanty, lacey underwear every time they go into the basement or the kitchen), so if there's only a few items that need to dry, I generally just sort of strew them over the arms and back of my computer chair.

So... right now I'm typing a biology presentation on Olestra in powerpoint... but I'm resting my elbows and the back of my head on damp underwear.
Hmmm.
Well, at least it's clean.

Someone found my site by googling "Blah I suck"...

Yeah, that pretty much sums it up, right thur!

NaBloPoMo: A winner is not me. That's okay... I'm actually surprised I even got half-way through. That is definitely some sort of record for me. Of course, I celebrated the realization that I had horribly lapsed in my BloPo by... not posting any blogs for a week. Ah, truly joyous.

No, seriously... I had a few ideas to write about. The instant I sit down, pbbbbt. Out of my brain. In a fart-like motion. Well, shit. Um...

I'm reading Interview With The Vampire. Heh. Yeah, I know, welcome to 1994! When I was eleven! Probably why I didn't read it back then! I actually got Vol. 1-3 in an omnibus from The Big Huge Dork Book Club (which incidentally, isn't all that great, so don't go and join based on my mentioning it, like that would happen), so I've had it sitting around for about six months.
And seriously, never tell anyone you've joined the SciFi Book Club. Even my dorky group of friends mocked me when I told them that; honestly, who can blame them? SCIENCE FICTION. I need a pocket protector and an inhaler, stat.
Also, lose the boobs. They confuse people.

Rain, rain, go away...

and don't return.

St. Louis is not a city at home with its precipitation. Apparently, the instant that water starts its mysterious descent to the ground, every single driver on the road turns into someone’s eighty-year-old grandma who can’t see and drives 10 miles under the speed limit, while simultaneously running red lights and swerving in between two lanes every few seconds without signaling.
To say it is immensely frustrating for a clearly fantastic driver such as myself (ahem) is an understatement.

As I was walking from the Metrolink towards campus today, a guy passed me headed towards the Metrolink on his cell phone. I overheard a tiny bit as we bulleted in opposite directions towards dryness,
“It’s raining and people here drive like…”
…in a very irritated tone of voice. It made me grin, because I know exactly what he’s talking about.

Also, maybe you haven’t heard about this, but I’m kind of short. Not freakish or anything, but I’m a hair under 5’4”. I’m too tall to wear petite/short jeans, and too short for average jeans… I’d rather have my pants too long than too short, so I end up with dragging hems everywhere I go. Result: cuffs wet to about mid-calf in the back. Feels reeeally good. And I never replaced my last umbrella (apparently, I’m really hard on my umbrellas), so I’ve got that sexy, frizzy, my-hair-has-been-wetted-and-then-air-dried-several-times-in-a-row look. Obviously, I’m still working it, though.

Anyway, test-o-rama tomorrow. And I just volunteered myself to do a presentation a week early, so it’ll be during the week following Thanksgiving... like I don’t have enough work to do that week. I get the whole week off for Thanksgiving, so hopefully I’ll end up doing lots of fun and exciting things and there will be fantastic content that whole week.
...
Heh. I somehow doubt y’all are that gullible.

I suck at NaBloPoMo.

I am really dragging here. Today I was going to post a review of mineral makeup that I use, but I got about a page in and completely lost steam. I don't really know how many, if any, female readers I have, so is it really worth the bother?

Eh, I'll post a bit of it. If you are a guy (and don't wear make up) feel free to skip this one.

Like everyone and their dog (who stays up late enough to see infomercials), I’d heard of Bare Minerals. I was fascinated by the infomercial, but there were a few problems.

1. “natural” looking or not, I don’t want to look that shiny.
   
2. It was too expensive to appeal to me.
3. I hate that bitch Leslie What’s-her-face. God, she is such an irritating dominatrix. No way am I increasing her profit margin.
4. Eventually, I found out that it contains bismuth oxychloride, which a considerable number of people are sensitive to (itching) and can make people break out. Also, it was the main contributor in what I would call the shiny effect. Ugh, no thanks.
5. Plus, they spell essentials escentuals. Someone needs to be smacked. I nominate that bitch Leslie.

I found out about a cult favorite mineral makeup brand, Everyday Minerals, which offered free samples (you have to pay a few bucks for shipping, though). Also, note how nothing in the name is misspelled cutely. Big ups! My skin was acting out by this time, due to liquid foundations and the fact that they contain Satan's semen... er, maybe not. But most of them have an alarming amount of ingredients, many of which have the power for irritation! I figured I didn't have much to lose, what with the free samples, plus they are a lot more affordable than bare escentuals, so I ordered the samples.

One of my skin hurdles is that I am extremely pasty. I’m not sure from whence it came, as my father is actually rather olive-complexioned and my mother, while pretty light, is still quite a bit darker than I am; but regardless, I am white as feck. I have never found any liquid foundation that was light enough for me.

Though they didn't have the shade I am using now when I first ordered the samples; regardless it was still easily the best match I'd ever had with any foundation at that point.
And it really did look natural! Like I wasn't wearing make up, except my skin was flawless. It lasts all day! It's not completely waterproof, but it can handle normal rain. And sweat, er, I mean, "glow". My skin is a bit oily (combination), so by the end of the day, I may be a bit shiny, but it still looks great.

The coverage can be varied quite a bit-- my skin has become MUCH MUCH better since I switched to Everyday Minerals (I also switched moisturizers around this time, to Kiss My Face Alpha & Aloe Oil-Free Moisturizer, which is the shit); so at the start I used more than I do now. Your skin doesn't feel all nasty like it does with liquid foundation... in fact, I get compliments on how soft my skin is when I'm wearing makeup. And it doesn't smudge, so I don't have to worry when people touch my face.

The point is, I ♥ Everyday Minerals, and I seriously recommend them to everyone I know... at least everyone that wears make up.
I haven't even covered all the stuff I love about the stuff, for the sake of time, because I have two tests on Thursday.
Two thumbs up-- and here's the link for the free sample kits, if you want to give it a try.

My pasty-ass self wears Fair Neutral (intensive formulation, you'll need to look around the site a bit for the explanations between the different types). I would recommend "Apple" blush-- I have never seen any person on which this was not a gorgeous shade, it also makes a pretty neutral lip with balm over it. It's a very pretty natural flush... but be careful, the color is intense, so you only need a little bit. The concealer is too dark for me, but I love the finishing dust. I haven't tried the balancing dust yet, but I plan to eventually...

Er, long-winded, much? I really could have gone on for quite a while, so consider yourselves lucky...

Random # 98465123

I motherfucking hate insomnia. Last night I just could not fall asleep for the life of me. I would just lay in bed for an hour or two, get up, do something, then lay down again for a few more hours. It sucked major testicles. Then I fell asleep, finally, at 8 am. My alarm goes off at 8:30.
The one benefit to insomnia should be that, hey, at least you’re early for class! But no, I fall asleep half an hour before my alarm goes off, causing me to blearily hit the snooze button waaaay more times than I should have, so I was late anyway.

In short: I’m really tired. And I just can’t bring myself to care all that much about the dissociation energies of diatomic molecules (which is a homework problem that I am supposed to be solving) right now.

---

It would really suck to be one of those people who always looks angry because of their eyebrows. I’m sitting across from a guy with angry eyebrows right now, and I keep thinking, “God, what’s his problem? I’m not being noisy or anything [for once]!” And then I realize that there is his neutral face, so he just looks angry all the time. I bet people are always responding to him defensively.
I wonder if he knows he has angry eyebrows? Is there any way to fix them (using tweezers, or perhaps those trimmers (as seen on tv!)?) using modern grooming techniques so you’ll no longer look angry? Of course, maybe then you’ll look like you had a facelift or you’ll look all weird or something because of it. Hmmm. That’s not exactly something you can ask someone either:

“Excuse, Mr. Angry Eyebrows. Do you know that your eyebrows make you look mad all the time? If so, have you ever found any method to remove or reduce this effect? Why haven’t you continued using said technique, if the answer to the previous question is yes?”

“What the fuck? Get away from me, you psycho bitch!”

“Hmmm… so it’s not just the eyebrows.”

---

Yes, it is cold in here.

---

There is this crazy wooden statue in the student computer lab that I can also see right now. It’s a very stylistic wooden statue with their right “hand” (a wooden blobby thing that is flesh colored) on it’s left “breast” (or where the breast would be were it not completely covered by the “hand”). I wonder what it’s supposed to be doing? Breast self exam? Maybe it’s supposed to signify breast cancer awareness.
But it’s not wearing pink. There is no hint of the pink ribbon anywhere on it.

Hmmm, maybe it’s saying the pledge of allegiance? But it doesn’t look patriotic either. Its head does appear to be slightly downcast, though… It’s supposed to look like it’s wearing some cream colored shift, I think…
I would take a picture of it, but I have no way to upload a picture from school—no memory card reader. Also, there are a lot of people in here. Maybe some other time.

---

Yeah, this is good enough. Lock ‘n’ load, people.