Check.

First time buying liquor? Check.

First shot? Check. Coconut rum is nasty.

2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th, and at least one other shot? Check. Crown Royal tastes like a organic lab solvent. Just for reference, hello acetone.

First mudslide (and second and third)? Check.

First time (and countless others in the space of a few hours) getting groped by gay men? Check.

First time being drunk? Check check check check check.


First hangover? Feeling it right now, thanks. I mean, check.


Yep, guess I am officially a college student now. Those past years didn't count, because I'd never been drunk. But now, oh yeah baby. I can brag with the rest of them.

I'm going to chug some water now. Like, a lot. Cause I've got work tomorrow. And my head hurts. Goodbye, brain cells. I will miss ye.

One of those moods.

I finished work tonight. I got in my car, and I just wanted to keep driving. I didn't even really want to go anywhere, though someplace else, wait, just about any place else would be nice. I'm sick of St. Louis. It's so fucking humid right now that it's like a wall of moisture hits you the instant you step outside. It's fucking hot, too. The first second outside coats you with a thin layer of insta-sweat, you need to shower at least twice a day. I envy those that have the time to do so. I showered less than ten hours ago, and I'm pretty sure I smell none-too-pretty right now. Sorry to ruin your perception of girls as sweatless, pleasantly-scented beings.

But anyway, back on topic. I wanted to drive all night. Singing along (loudly) with Coldplay. With a friend, so I'd have someone to talk to. We'd drive on the highway and try to convince 18-wheeler drivers to blow their horns like we were still fourteen and immature, singing "13 kids in an old church van!" Even if the friend wasn't someone who I'd known back when I was 14 and immature. On second thought, I'm not entirely sure I've matured past the mental age of fourteen, so cancel all that "and immature" talk.

I got my bridesmaid's dress (well, maid-of-honor's dress) today as well, before work. I wish I wasn't so fucking short, so I wouldn't have to shorten the hem. I also wish I was less boobily blessed, so I could go without a bra in it, because it's going to be fucking hot, y'all. It's only 15 days away now.

It'd be nice to just leave. I've always wanted to travel. It's one of those things I intend to do when I'm out of college and have some money-- and NO tuiton to pay!

Yeah. You know the feeling. Yes you do. Sometimes you just want to keep driving too. Goodnight, y'all.

Simply... something, at least.

I just saw the movie "Simply Irresistable" last night (okay, I'll admit it... I'd seen it before. I had remembered it as simply lame)... I can't understand why anyone would put that piece of shit in theaters, but then TBS pays for the priviledge to show it on late night tv. I just don't understand how anyone could make that movie and not expect it to flop. Sarah Michelle Geller in possibly her stupidest role yet (although I've only seen her in a few movies, so I reserve the right to change this title), as an extremely unintelligent "Wuh? My emotions are somehow infecting the food I prepare as a subpar chef?" girl who falls for some random guy because a guy in a white suit who I guess is supposed to be an angel or some other supernatural being (this is not explained or explored in any sense during the movie) tells her to. Also not explained is how her feelings are being transferred into the food, though perhaps she wore her mother's earring through the whole movie, and that was their logic. Maybe there was no fucking reason, since the writer wrote this movie in about five minutes while in a PCP induced haze.

There's also a magical crab. That's not a euphemism. It's a crab puppet, and it's ugly as sin. The requisite comic-relief snotty French chef guy apparently falls in love with the crab at the end of the movie, as he feeds it special goo from the love-inducing hot peaches which the crab then licks up with repulsive slurping noises. WHAT THE FUCK!

Not to mention, there's all these tear-gas peaches in the last part of the movie. People cut into these peaches, and then "steam" boils out of them in a very smoke bomb sort of way. And though it's supposed to be steam, it defies all laws of nature and hovers at the ground, rather than dispersing through the air. Then people dance, because these peaches make people fall deeply in love. With magical crab puppets.


I swear that everything I just typed is true, it's actually from the fucking movie! You must immediately go watch it on late night tv (don't rent it! Unless you have netflix or something) so that we may commiserate about the two hours that we just wasted. It's awesomely bad! Go now!

Well, you can wait a minute I guess. Just remember to come back and commiserate!